Communication Process and Conflict: Communication 101
If the mediator is a facilitator of effective communication between parties, then what is communication – what are the basics we need to understand?
It’s a healthy reminder to us as human beings on what the foundation of proper communications is. Part of that foundation is understanding that the goal of communication is to hit on all cylinders, and to arrive at a mutual understanding.
The important issue is whether the IMPACT the on the receiver is the same as that which was INTENDED by the sender. If so, then understanding has occurred and will be reflected in the feedback given by the receiver (who is now the sender).
The problem that often happens, however, is when the impact is not the same creating a misunderstanding. This misunderstanding will be reflected in the subsequent feedback. This is only “round one” of the communication between parties that can lead to devastating results.
It's important to understand the impact here and how it relates to the big picture. Ongoing communication based on misunderstanding that is not corrected will result in greater misunderstanding and hurt feelings. This can become a vicious cycle as hurt feelings then affect future communication leading to more hurt feelings.
A mediators job is monitoring the communication from a 10,000 foot view, and then correcting it as needed. There are some common blocks and barriers that hinder effective communication from taking place. Some of those are the following: anger, fear, expectations not being shared, time limitations creating a rushed atmosphere, age, hidden agendas, negative feelings toward the receiver, defensiveness, low self esteem, lack of trust, lack of interest, a sense of overwhelm from information overload, and a non-ideal environment physically. So what does a skilled mediator do in his/her role to overcome these obstacles?
First and foremost, we identify common ground. The parties can control the outcome of this scenario. An attorney really cannot with integrity say what a judge is going to do in a litigation scenario because they have so much latitude and power. An attorney cannot guarantee results; especially in litigation. So there is immense value in the parties being able to be have common ground in the fact that they can control the outcome of their case and have a chance to actually be heard and acknowledged.
Another great tip is having a desire to communicate with a positive attitude and mutual respect. It’s a delicate balancing act of directing, listening, and empathy. A mediator’s role requires presence and focus (emotionally and mentally). Mindful meditation (which is only one letter short of mediation) prior to each session is a healthy and effective practice.
THE MEDIATOR IS A MONITOR, FACILITATOR, AND MODEL OF EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION.
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